


the reasons i love you

by merlypops



Series: Space Husbands (Paul Stamets/Hugh Culber) [4]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Exactly What It Says on the Tin, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Light Angst, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Memories, ShroomDoc, Slice of Life, Space Husbands, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, paul doesnt really love himself but hugh more than makes up for it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-22 01:24:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12470372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlypops/pseuds/merlypops
Summary: “Everyone’s allowed to feel, Paul,” Hugh said into the darkness. “Even you.”Paul is sad and Hugh reminds him why he loves him.





	the reasons i love you

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back and I'm having more feels than ever!  
> I watched the new episode tonight and, while I ADORED it, I was sad that there were no Stamets/Culber scenes so I figured I needed to write something to rectify that.  
> Also, this fic is literally exactly what it says on the tin. Paul doesn't really love himself but Hugh more than makes up for it.  
> Essentially, I am Paul Stamets trash and so is Hugh Culber. Thus, this fic was born.  
> Enjoy <3

The door to their cabin opened with a hiss but Hugh didn’t look up, too focused on the data scrolling across his screen detailing how the Levodian flu was making its way around the Federation again. He would need to oversee ship-wide immunisations of course which could prove expensive and he’d have to explain to Lorca how it was a legitimate concern first, and not just Hugh being a mother hen. And besides, would he even be given funding for the immunisation if the crew weren’t planning on leaving the ship, especially since it was during war-time? Hugh had no idea and it disgruntled him no end.

He was just trying to work out whether it would be better to try and scare Saru into agreeing with him _before_ he raised it with the captain when Paul cleared his throat pointedly.

“Dear doctor,” he said in greeting as the door slid shut. “How was your day?”

“Busy,” Hugh replied, his dark eyes still focused on the data. He could hear the soft rustling of Paul shucking off his uniform and he glanced up fondly, catching sight of the blond man’s pale skin and the comic boxers of Hugh’s (which definitely weren’t regulation) that the astromycologist insisted on stealing.

“And you?” Hugh asked after a moment too long. “How are you, Paul?”

The blond man didn’t answer at first but Hugh was so distracted by the data that he didn’t realise his partner’s: “Just thinking” sounded anything out of the ordinary. He’d probably been developing new ideas for ways to power the ship using his beloved spores and, while Hugh was very happy that his partner got to work on something he was so passionate about, none of the science meant very much to him because he didn’t understand it which might have led to him paying less attention to Paul than he should have been.

“Dear doctor, tell me why you like me.”

“Love,” Hugh corrected without looking up from his pad. “I _love_ you, Paul.” The doctor finally seemed to realise there was something wrong though and he powered his device off instantly, feeling the beginnings of guilt gnawing at his insides when he glanced up in time to see the consternation colouring the blond man’s face.

“Paul?” Hugh asked hesitantly as he gave his partner his full attention. “It’s not like you to fish for compliments although I’m happy to oblige if you need an ego boost.”

“It’s not that,” Paul said honestly and his wry smile didn’t quite touch his eyes as he sat down cross-legged on the end of their bed. He was still only wearing the boxers and it made him look soft as he sat there; those little rolls of pale skin that made up his stomach, his blond hair falling across his frowning forehead as his blue eyes blinked at the doctor tiredly. “I’m just… curious. Feeling affection for me is something I struggle to wrap my head around and...”

“And you don’t like not understanding things,” Hugh realised, nodding unhappily although he reached out to lay a gentle hand across the blond man’s pale ankle. “I’m sorry I was so caught up in work when you came in. You shouldn’t have to rely on explaining everything to me like I’m a toddler. I should pay more attention.”

Paul smoothed the frown on Hugh’s forehead out with his fingertip.

“Telling you how I feel doesn’t bother me so much anymore… and besides, I thought you said communication was important,” the blond man pointed out teasingly but he just looked exhausted now and Hugh couldn’t resist drawing him gently into his arms so that he could tug him lightly down onto the bed.

“It is,” Hugh murmured. “It’s _very_ important… just like our work is... but nothing is as important as you.”

“You look sad,” Paul noticed but his voice was soft now and he looked like he felt guilty. “I didn’t tell you to make you sad. I just didn’t want to be alone tonight.”

“You’re never alone. You have _me_.” Hugh hesitated before leaning to brush a gentle kiss over the blond man’s lips. “Did something happen today to make you feel like this? Or… is it just a bad night?”

“Ding ding, we have a winner,” Paul retorted sourly but his humour fell flat when he rubbed a palm down his face tiredly. “Please, just… tell me why you stay with me. What do you see in me that makes you stay when no one else even bothered to look? I… I don’t understand it. I _can’t_ understand it.”

His frustration was palpable and Hugh made a soft shushing sound as he carded his fingers hesitantly through his partner’s hair. When Paul relaxed with a shaky sigh, Hugh pressed a kiss to his forehead too. Clearly, Paul badly needed comfort tonight.

“I couldn’t tell you all the reasons I love you because that would take all night,” the doctor said gently. “But I’m more than happy to try.”

Paul looked hopeless as he lay there and Hugh hated the fragility in his partner’s expression, his frame rigid as he wrapped an arm around himself protectively. Hugh reached to pull the duvet over them before carefully tucking Paul’s head under his chin and idly stroking the pale skin of his back.

“I love a lot of things about you,” Hugh began softly, humming when Paul asked the computer to lower the lights in their room. “I love how excited you get about your mushrooms. I love how adorable you are around kids… or the tardigrade, I guess.” Paul made a small confused noise and Hugh happily expanded. “Your face gets all soft and your eyes sparkle, and you do this really cute thing where you’re sort of half crouching down? And then you use your hands to gesticulate a lot when you’re trying to make a point and sometimes you knock things over because your movements get so wild, and it’s one of the most endearing things about you.”

Paul tucked his face away into Hugh’s chest but even through the shadows, the doctor would have to have been blind to miss the way Paul’s ears went red with his blush.

“I love that you are always the smartest person in every room, and that you know it and you don’t let anyone talk down to you… not even the captain… or that one time you got really sassy at the admiral.”

“That was a good time,” Paul remembered and Hugh grinned, pressing a kiss to the end of the blond man’s nose. “Tell me more, dear doctor,” the astromycologist requested and Hugh couldn’t have stopped feeding the fire in his partner’s chest if he’d wanted to.

Watching the light slowly rekindling in Paul’s face was the most beautiful thing in the galaxy.

“I love that you are funny and sarcastic and prickly, and so unashamedly passionate about the things you care about… myself included.”

“Always,” Paul whispered and Hugh’s heart felt too big for his chest now.

“I love how protective you are, from boarding missions right down to how you wrap yourself around me when you’re asleep, like you don’t want to let go. I love how you stroke the back of my neck when we’re cleaning our teeth and the way you lean your face into my palm like you don’t want me to let go of you.”

“I don’t,” Paul agreed and Hugh’s eyes prickled for a moment as his throat thickened.

“Then I won’t,” he whispered. “I won’t let go of you ever if you don’t want me to.”

“I never will,” Paul promised and his eyelashes were spiky with tears now but he looked happier than he had all evening since returning to their cabin for the night. “What else?”

When Hugh muttered something along the lines of: “ _definitely_ fishing for compliments now”, Paul harrumphed good-naturedly and reached out to tickle him, and Hugh laughed breathlessly as he wriggled away.

“Fine!” he said but Paul’s eyes were sparkling now and Hugh seemed to take the blond man by surprise when he leant forwards to lightly kiss his eyelids.

“I love those,” he whispered against Paul’s skin. “I love how goddamn beautiful you are. I love that your eyes are the colour of oceans and the way your smile crinkles the skin around your eyes. I love that laugh you only do for me when you can’t get enough air in so you sound like a water buffalo on speed.”

“Rude,” Paul interjected softly but he was grinning all the same, even as his eyelids threatened to slide shut as his weariness overtook him. Hugh was glad of it; relieved that his partner was finally calm enough to go to sleep in his arms and heartened that the blond man obviously felt so safe with him.

“I love your bravery and your brilliance,” Hugh whispered. “I love how you don’t let your past control your present.” He hesitated for a moment before grinning and adding: “I love your singing voice in the shower and the way you say ‘groovy’.”

“Hey,” Paul grumbled sleepily although his lips were curved up into a smile all the same. “Groovy is timeless.”

“My love for _you_ is timeless,” Hugh countered without thinking. He cringed immediately, waiting for the inevitable teasing from his partner but, surprisingly, it never came. When Hugh glanced up cautiously, he was rewarded with Paul gazing at him with a soft vulnerability to his expression that Hugh wasn’t sure he had ever seen before. Paul had never looked so at ease before.

“I’ll never stop loving you,” Hugh whispered and Paul gave him a watery smile.

“I hope you know how much I love you too, dear doctor. You’re the kindest, most patient, coolest guy I’ve ever been lucky enough to know and…” Paul swallowed, looking embarrassed by this unusual display of emotions. “You will always have a special place in my heart, Hugh, no matter what.”

His use of the doctor’s first name alone was evidence of how serious he was. Paul’s eyes remained fixed on the duvet as he spoke, like speaking these words and looking up into Hugh’s face would have been too difficult.

“You have been with me at my lowest and still loved me when I wasn’t very loveable at all,” Paul said softly. “And I’ll never be able to tell you how grateful I am for that. Never.”

“I think I can guess though,” Hugh pointed out softly. “Because it’s exactly how I feel about you too, you amazing man. I feel more and more lucky to have you with every passing day.”

Paul tucked his face away again, his cheeks heating up with blood as he pressed a chaste kiss to Hugh’s collarbone. The doctor ran his hands lightly through his partner’s soft blond hair and the astromycologist sighed softly, finally relaxing completely in his arms.

“Everyone’s allowed to feel, Paul,” Hugh said into the darkness. “Even you.”

“I know,” the blond man said quietly. “Sometimes I forget but… I know it deep down. My emotions are valid and feeling is human, blah blah blah.” Hugh could almost _hear_ him rolling his eyes. “I know that now. I just… I need to thank you.”

“For boosting your ego?” the doctor teased and the astromycologist shook his head fondly as he pressed his smiling lips against Hugh’s bare shoulder.

“For being you, dear doctor,” Paul said seriously. “For making me feel alive.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> I really hope you guys liked this one <3  
> It was fun and so cathartic to write.  
> I love these two a lot <3

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Причины, по которым я тебя люблю](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13470201) by [Mint_Mercury](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mint_Mercury/pseuds/Mint_Mercury)




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